Kohlrabi Is Your God Now
It’s time for a quick exercise. I want you to think about the name of your God for a second. Got it?
WELL YOU WERE WRONG BECAUSE IT’S KOHLRABI
That’s right! Your simple concepts about “religion” end here with this, KOHLRABI!
Yeah, I know right? Well, I know, most of you are clueless, so I’ll break it down for you!
Kohlrabi is a variant on the wild cabbage plant, and tends to, when raw, have the taste and texture somewhere between a broccoli stem and a cabbage heart, but sweeter. Their name has German roots, and means “Cabbage Turnip.”
So why, you’re asking, is it good enough to replace even the head of a religion? Because it’s magical. That’s right. Kohlrabi is magic on Earth. Here, a visual aid:
Simple, right? Like any other food, right?
This calls for the next diagram:
That’s what I meant! Thank you Fig 2! See that look? See the glory that Kohlrabi brings? Yeah, I know you do.
Kohlrabi is so awesome that you can eat it raw or cook it. It don’t mind bringing the magic in a casserole dish.
I hear what you’re saying. You’re saying “but Buncy, if this is such an epic veggie, then how will I ever find it?” Well I’ve got good news for you, pal. Kohlrabi LOVES spreading its magic, so it makes itself available. Any respectable grocery store will have kohlrabi in their fruits and veggies section, packaged like in the first picture of this post. They’re predominately grown in Texas, at least the varieties I eat, but Hamburg Township, Michigan, used to call itself the Kohlrabi Capital of the world, and threw a yearly Kohlrabi Festival. Truly a township of true believers!
Why are you still reading this post? You were supposed to leave and go track some of this God Cabbage out a few paragraphs back (like, after the second or third)!
Buy it, peel it, eat it, love it!
You know you love Kohlrabi. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.