The Rain has Gotten to Me

It’s dark, it’s raining, I’m home alone with nothing to do, and I’m feeling incredibly uninspired.

I don’t think I’ve done anything incredibly useful for myself personally in the three and a half weeks since I graduated.  No job interviews coming in in spite of me applying to numerous jobs in the area and other connections which I thought were sure things.  The obvious follow-up statement here is “welcome to the real world,” but it’s still depressing.

I have nothing to do right now, which is partially why I’ve watched so much anime and written so many blog entries.  Hell, I’m on episode 36 of Nana and it only took me three or four days.  That’s nearly fourteen hours of anime.  I know that it’s a massive waste of time, but I don’t have much else to do at this point.

I’m not quite sure when the last time was that I felt this dejected; perhaps it was the fall of my second work term, where I found myself alone in Toronto, arguably the first time I was ever really on my own.  Perhaps it’s a poetic link, because without school to give me purpose now, I’ve lost another link to the familiar and purposeful.  Their absence seems as ominous now as the black clouds I can see racing across the sky outside my window.

I’m not exactly hurting for money, despite having next to no savings to my name, but this will not last for long, especially when rent is taken into account.  I was so looking forward to graduating and moving onto a fresh world full of shiny new toys I could afford, a simple yet elegant apartment, and so on.  I know those things are still on the horizon, but I can’t be as excited for them as I was before.

Time is fairly loosely-defined right now for me; to help counter this, I promised myself a few days ago that I won’t shave until I’ve gotten a job interview.  Who knows, when I finally do get an opportunity, I might have grown enough hair to style it into a respectable pattern.

On top of feeling depressed about my supposed lack of hiring eligibility, I’m also feeling down about my own lack of selflessness.  Some of you might have clicked a link in my blogreel to Tommy’s blog; a pet project for him while he’s in Nepal helping out at an orphanage.  He’s halfway across the world helping underprivileged people in a underprivileged area, and I’m living in comparative luxury, essentially existing only to pity myself.

But with all that said, my mood has lifted slightly.  With a lack of internal drive and motivation right now, I’m taking too many queues from outside sources; it’s raining and windy outside, it’s approaching nightfall, and Nana’s at an incredibly depressing part of its storyline.  I’ll be fine, but for the moment, getting to that point seems light it’s going to be an uphill battle armed with Nerf guns.

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~ by buncythefrog on May 11, 2010.

5 Responses to “The Rain has Gotten to Me”

  1. Makes me think of “Rain”, from Cowboy Bebop. That song that plays when Spike goes up against Vicious. That sort of place, it really sucks to be in. As long as you stick around, though, you’ll make it through. Don’t sweat it. Just grit and gun it. Really, willpower is often what stands between you and something cheerier, not just the willpower to do something, but also the willpower to wait for results to come in.

    Know where you are, and accept where it is. I think there’s a reason we are where we are, whether it’s in a nice place or an orphanage in Nepal. We just have to hunt that out. Plus, only far afterwards can we truly judge ourselves for the situation we’re in.

    At any rate, I’d say just get out and do something, even if you feel lousy. Breathe some air, go and sit in the rain…interestingly, the night and the rain are two really cool things, in my opinion. There’s just something cool and pretty about the night, and the rain…well, Evey had a cool line in the movie V for Vendetta: “God is in the rain.”

    Just a few of my ramble-thoughts on the subject.

    • Haha, it took me a moment to figure out who you were; thankfully, the avatar helped! Thanks for the encouragement. More than anything else, I figured just getting all of this on paper would be a good way to vent.

      To reference the thing that brought our attentions to each other, have you been playing any more Dominion lately?

  2. You’re welcome. Venting definitely can help a lot, helps you see exactly where you’re at.

    Still played with just the base set of Dominion, but yeah, played with a couple other builds, including one featuring player interaction. I grew to love the Spy. I was picking up Spies left and right.

    • Aha, the spy is a good source of fun. It’s not a terribly destructive card either, so it at most just sets you back a little bit. Also, it’s a source of one of my group’s inside jokes.

      Random selections are also fun; you take the blue-backed cards and just randomly select a group of ten.

      Preferably, I’d suggest another game that’s similar, but I don’t know of one; Dominion is too unique, I think 😛 I suppose… Crap, I can’t remember the name of the game. San Juan style games are the closest match to Dominion that I can think of, and there was one in particular that I was thinking of. Oh well, can’t remember it.

  3. I loved comboing the Spy with cards like the Village, just to make sure I was getting a valuable card. Or the Bureaucrat, which is just fun. “Okay, you put a victory card on top. Now I play the Spy…and you can keep that card on top. 😀 ”

    Dominion is really unique.

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