The Rain has Gotten to Me
It’s dark, it’s raining, I’m home alone with nothing to do, and I’m feeling incredibly uninspired.
I don’t think I’ve done anything incredibly useful for myself personally in the three and a half weeks since I graduated. No job interviews coming in in spite of me applying to numerous jobs in the area and other connections which I thought were sure things. The obvious follow-up statement here is “welcome to the real world,” but it’s still depressing.
I have nothing to do right now, which is partially why I’ve watched so much anime and written so many blog entries. Hell, I’m on episode 36 of Nana and it only took me three or four days. That’s nearly fourteen hours of anime. I know that it’s a massive waste of time, but I don’t have much else to do at this point.
I’m not quite sure when the last time was that I felt this dejected; perhaps it was the fall of my second work term, where I found myself alone in Toronto, arguably the first time I was ever really on my own. Perhaps it’s a poetic link, because without school to give me purpose now, I’ve lost another link to the familiar and purposeful. Their absence seems as ominous now as the black clouds I can see racing across the sky outside my window.
I’m not exactly hurting for money, despite having next to no savings to my name, but this will not last for long, especially when rent is taken into account. I was so looking forward to graduating and moving onto a fresh world full of shiny new toys I could afford, a simple yet elegant apartment, and so on. I know those things are still on the horizon, but I can’t be as excited for them as I was before.
Time is fairly loosely-defined right now for me; to help counter this, I promised myself a few days ago that I won’t shave until I’ve gotten a job interview. Who knows, when I finally do get an opportunity, I might have grown enough hair to style it into a respectable pattern.
On top of feeling depressed about my supposed lack of hiring eligibility, I’m also feeling down about my own lack of selflessness. Some of you might have clicked a link in my blogreel to Tommy’s blog; a pet project for him while he’s in Nepal helping out at an orphanage. He’s halfway across the world helping underprivileged people in a underprivileged area, and I’m living in comparative luxury, essentially existing only to pity myself.
But with all that said, my mood has lifted slightly. With a lack of internal drive and motivation right now, I’m taking too many queues from outside sources; it’s raining and windy outside, it’s approaching nightfall, and Nana’s at an incredibly depressing part of its storyline. I’ll be fine, but for the moment, getting to that point seems light it’s going to be an uphill battle armed with Nerf guns.